Searching for the grave of Santa Claus

Well this carol has been buried for some time now, but i was driving to camarillo yesterday and heard on the radio that they may have found the the actual grave of St. Nicholas, the 3rd century bishop, who was the inspiration for Santa.

Well apparently it's in Ireland. Experts believe that Irish Templers moved his corpse during the Crusades. Something like that; my reception was a bit faint.

The song is some sort of metaphor about how X-mas is lost or something. I guess i've always disliked the holiday, as you can see in my " my two cents " post. Lol.

Gabster used to play the jingle bells part, with sweet distortion, on the electric. But he was unavailable...so in the spirit of x-mas i sang that part...


searching for the grave of santa claus
some say it is forever lost
aimlessly searching thru mountains of snow
in the distance i hear a vague ho, ho, ho

my tears froze as i cried
i felt his grave was close by
then i saw a man with a long white beard
he looked down at me then disapeared

i started to dig as fast as i could
exactly under from where he stood
i thought the world i was going to save
but i was just digging my own grave

Wintertime Waltz

Although i don't recommend blackouts i do recommend waking up drunk..it's kinda fun. haha. Anyways this little piece, if it were written by a classical composer,it would probably be used as a study piece for novice musicians and have name like etude 39 . But since it's the only instrumental piece i composed i will showcase it by the the fire.

it's all distorted

In order to get a distorted sound you either use an effects pedal or use the built-in setting on your amp. But before these gadgets were invented peolpe got the fuzzy sound from the rustling noise of a torn speaker. Sometimes i like to slip a thin piece of paper thru my acoustic guitar and that creates an interesting sound. i wrote a song about it, but i'm not sure the nuances of the sound were recorded properly by my PC mic. Thnx monica for playing the electric.


lyrics:
momma likes the comics
poppa loves the sports
no one reads the rest
cuz it's all distorted

i slip it thru my strings
then i press record
like the way it sounds
cuz it's all distorted

they can't change the truth
but they don't have to report it
and if it's sounding heavy
it's cuz it's all distorted

this old guitar

Well i figured that i probably wouldn't ever get my guitar on the radio, so i put my radio in my guitar. Well actually it wasn't my radio anymore but my brother Gabriel's, who owned that junk car that used to be mine. But he let me have the radio and speaker.

The car radio runs on 12 volts so i just soldered an old ac/dc adapter to the radio, and used a jigsaw, and a power drill to do the rest. I never hooked up an antenna so the reception sucked, and all i could pick up was 1260am. And that was ok, because it used to be an oldie station, but now the guitar just lays around and gently weeps.

funk master rabbit

this tune was inspired by the tortoise and the hare.
the sound's a little grainy, but it's there...


lyrics:
funk master rabbit was feeling his disgrace
since the tortoise won the race
but tell me did you ever see a turtle
jump over a big 'ol hurdle
it's blood, sweat, and tears
this rabbit's got no fears
it's blood, sweat, and tears
this rabbit's drinking beers
funk master rabbit knows he made a mistake
he never should have given the tortoise a break
but life's a lesson and you learn
next time the turtle will get burned
chorus
sure now funk master rabbit
he's got a little, itty, bitty drinking habit
but whenever he picks up his axe
he plays it till the window cracks
chorus
don't call him bunny, he thinks it sounds funny
don't call him bunny, he'll pay you some money
don't call him bunny, he thinks it sounds funny
but he doesn't care if you call him a hare

meet winona!

Meet Winona or "wine-ona". Yes she's my wine rack mannequin, and not my girlfriend, like in the movie Lars and the real girl, as my sister likes to say. She wasn't the only one to say such things, cuz even my ex threatened to throw a beer bottle at poor winona when we were breaking up.

The crazy idea to make a wine rack out of a mannequin came to me one night in a dream, but I never had any intention of letting this looney idea turn into an actual piece of furniture in my apartment. Until one day I had a bit too much brandy, which afterall is distilled wine, and accidentally ordered the mannequin. Costing me well over a hundred dollars.

I sent it to my parents house because I wasn't at my apartment that often, and there is always someone there. When it finally arrived my parents asked my sisters what the package was, and they explained to my parents my insane ideas. Well my parents rolled their eyes and I forgot what they said exactly but they weren't comments of approval.

I wasn't sure how I was going to make it happen but I knew I needed a special saw or something that my dad had. So I drove to his airplane hangar and timidly asked for his help, and told him what I was trying to acomplish. To my surprise he was very helpful and seemed to enjoy measuring winona's breast in order to get the right drill attatchment.

Then I took it back to my parent's house and asked my sisters for old clothes so that I could dress her. My sisters brought an old skirt, an old sweater, and some leg stockings. As I dressed her I was struggling putting on the stockings and my Mother saw this and said,"No, no not like that. Let me do it." So what started out as a crazy idea turned out to be some sort of wacky family project? Well, time for a glass of wine. Ooh...pleasant aroma,...lovely body,... and a little perky.